Previously on Desperate Housewives:
- Did you leave the door open? - Call the police!
- That who broke into your house? - Arrests were made...
Yeah, that's him.
- I want a chance to get to know you. - I don't want to know you.
- Fathers were confronted... - Who's Sister Mary Bernard?
You do not want to start a war with me.
Bring it on.
Boundaries were drawn...
Mr Williams was responsible for your husband's death.
And everyone learned that sometimes justice is served...
- We need to phone an ambulance. - Without saying a word.
There were many ways to tell Bree Van De Kamp was a lady.
- Thank you very much. - She was courteous to those around her,
she moved with elegance and grace,
and she was very careful to never let others know what she was thinking.
Mrs Van De Kamp. Thank you for coming on such short notice.
So, what's happened? Have you had any luck finding George?
Like most well-bred women...
George is dead.
He committed suicide last night in a hotel.
... Bree had something to hide.
Oh, um...
Well, um...
It was very good of you to tell me in person. Truly.
Actually, uh,
there's... there's more.
More?
Do you recognise this?
Those are my panties! How did you...
We assume Mr Williams stole them.
Where did you find them?
Mr Williams had a room filled with, um...
...unsavoury items.
It was like a shrine.
Unsavoury items? Wha... What does that mean?
You don't want to know.
So you're aware, the Daily Tribune's starting to sniff around.
The editor's a good friend. I'm sure I can quash it.
You might wanna tell your family what's going on.
What is that?
I'm so sorry. You weren't supposed to see that.
- Mudge, get that out of here! - No! Wait.
- Is that supposed to be me? - Well...
It's hard to say.
I don't understand. What would George be doing with a life-size doll?
- Oh, dear Lord. - Go ahead.
Oh, hold it. What are you gonna do with that?
Until we close the file on Mr Williams, she's considered evidence.
- We'll have to take her to the station. - I'm so sorry, Mrs Van De Kamp.
I know how difficult all this must be.
Don't you worry about me, Detective Barton, I'll be just fine.
Yes, there were many ways to tell that Bree was a lady.
But the surest was to watch how she maintained her dignity
in even the most undignified of situations.
It's a story as old as time itself.
The return of the prodigal son.
And no matter how many times it's repeated...
... or how the details might vary...
... or how the names might change,
the story always ends the same way.
In the tender embrace of a loving father.
Hi, Dad.
Susan Mayer told me she gave you some money to go to Utah.
I had no idea where to look for you, though.
The money started to run out. I thought maybe you'd come back here.
You're a smart kid.
- Can I ask you something? - Of course. Anything.
Well, when you left town,
Mrs Tillman said that my real mother was a junkie from Utah.
That's right.
So...
...who was my dad?
I don't know. It could've been anyone.
Thanks for the faucet. This leak is driving me crazy. What do I owe you?
Oh, no rush. Just pay me when I install it.
Hey there!
- Have you seen today's paper? - No, not yet.
There's a follow-up on that guy you caught last week.
"Police seek help in identifying the mystery vagrant."
They don't know the man's name yet?
They're not sure he talks.
They're gonna hold him in the psych ward till they figure out who he is.
Well, I will certainly rest easier
knowing that he's not roaming around our neighbourhood.
See ya!
- Thanks again for the faucet. - Sure.
What are we going to do about Caleb?
Obviously, we are going to go and get him.
- Where are my cuffs? - Bottom drawer.
Ah!
- When do I tell people you'll be back? - Couple, maybe three days.
What the hell is this?
It's the ball gag. I thought you wanted it.
We do not recycle ball gags.
Take a look at the teeth marks. It's gross.
I'd like to think that we're better than that.
Hey Monroe, you sure you don't want any help?
The guy's dangerous.
He's a half-wit, Jerry.
If I can handle you, I can handle him.
- So he poisoned Rex? - Sweet little George Williams?
Well, it turns out he wasn't so sweet after all.
There's a chance some of this may wind up in the papers.
So I wanted you to hear it from me first.
Bree, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, like you haven't been through enough.
God, and he's our pharmacist. It's enough to turn you holistic.
This sounds awful, but I'm kind of glad the guy's dead.
Oh, I hope that little creep suffered.
Well, we'll never know.
That's Andrew back from Camp Hennessey. I've gotta go.
- Does he know yet? - He hasn't got a clue.
- How do you think he's gonna react? - All right. What the hell's going on?
I know you didn't take me out of "kid jail" for my health.
I'll get back to you, uh, later.
- So are the police sure? - Yeah.
They found data in George's personal computer,
and also records at his pharmacy
that pretty much proves that he was poisoning your father.
Did they say why he killed him?
Well, the detective seems to think he was
trying to get your father out of the way so he could marry me.
Honey, please, use your coaster. That's going to leave a ring.
My father was murdered because of you.
As far as I'm concerned, you no longer get to tell me what to do.
Andrew, that is not fair.
You brought that psycho into our house.
You sat him at our table. How fair do you expect me to be?
- Andrew, George fooled a lot of people. - Well, he didn't fool me.
Andrew, I'm not trying to minimise my part in this. Believe me.
- I hate myself for what's happened. - Good.
Now we have something in common.
By the way, I'm gonna call my friend, Justin.
Gonna have him come over and spend the night.
Justin? Is he a friend of yours from school? Or church?
What kind of friend is he?
The real good kind.
Andrew, it is inappropriate for you to have somebody over.
You just got home.
Like I said, you don't get to tell me what to do anymore.
- You came. - Did I have a choice?
Well, sure.
At the hospital you sounded like you were prepared to blackmail me
into having some of relationship with you.
That was the heat of the moment.
Once you know me, you'll understand that
I'm not the kind of person who could ever blackmail.
I wish you made that clear in the hospital. Could've saved me a trip.
- So are you coming in? - Well, I got a lunch hour to kill.
That was my first Halloween. I was two. What do you think I am?
- I don't know. - Oh, come on, just guess. You can tell.
- Uh, a homeless person? - No, Addison, I'm a chicken!
Those are feathers hanging around.
Oh. I thought that was supposed to be trash.
- Uh, look, are we done here? - You haven't even finished your coffee.
I gotta get back to work.
Well, we haven't even finished the high school years!
I wanted to show you this one. This was from the Father-Daughter dance.
I had to take my mother's hairstylist.
What do you want from me, Susan?
Well, I just wanna share more than our DNA.
I wanted to have a relationship with you.
None of this means anything to you?
I'll take the hobo picture.
Actually, it was... Fine.
- What's this? - Our company insurance policy.
- Ever read it? - I'm gonna say "no." But don't tell.
We have day-care, Ed! Day-care.
Do you realise that since we fired half the staff
you and I have barely left the building?
My kids are forgetting who I am.
I hear you. I've a 17-month-old I haven't seen awake in weeks.
See, all we need is a minimum participation of, uh...
...sixteen kids.
My kids, your baby.
Sally in accounting has three.
The new guy in human resources has two,
and we hit the mother lode with the Mormon receptionist,
she just popped out number six. There, 16.
- Fifteen. My wife won't do it. - Maybe if I talked to her.
This day-care thing's a non-starter.
Fran won't let anyone else hold the baby!
She won't take some time off for a couple of hours?
Lynette, if I hadn't cut that umbilical cord with my own two hands,
I swear they would still be attached.
But if you want to try, more power to you.
You! What the hell did you do with my husband?
Restrain yourself, Gabrielle. You're in a house of God.
- Tell me where he is! - Everywhere, of course.
Not God. My husband.
Gabby? What are you doing here?
I was about to ask you the same thing. You were supposed to meet me at the spa.
I was helping Sister Mary with the fundraiser.
The church's about to send a relief team to Botswana to help with the drought.
That's your excuse? We missed side-by-side water massages.
I had to book them weeks in advance.
OK. You missed a massage. It's unfortunate.
But there are people dying in Botswana.
There are gonna be people dying in this church
if you don't wipe that patronizing look off your face.
What is your problem?
Sister Mary, will you excuse us, please?
Certainly.
We're supposed to be working on our marriage.
We can't do that as long as "Our Lady of Perpetual Stick Up Her Butt"
has you worrying about thirsty orphans!
You're blaming Sister Mary for the tension in our marriage?
She wants you to get tired of me
and walk out so she can have you to herself.
- That's crazy. She's a nun. - She may wear a habit and the beads,
but at the end of the day, she's still a woman. Just like me.
- And I know what I'm capable of. - She is a woman.
But she is nothing like you.
Carlos, where are you going?
Carlos!
You look tense, Gabrielle.
Perhaps you should think about getting a massage.
Hi, Susan. It's Addison. Are you there?
Hi. Hi, yeah, I'm here.
- Good, you're home. - Uh-huh, what's up?
You were saying you wanted to be part of my life?
Yeah.
I'm at the police station. I need you to come bail me out.
Solicitation? You were arrested for solicitation?
It was entrapment. I'm the victim here.
- But you were with a prostitute? - Apparently not.
I asked her three times, "are you a cop?"
They gotta tell you, but she didn't say boo.
I thought this was America!
Addison, you just got caught paying for sex.
Now is not the time to wrap yourself in the flag.
Don't give me that look. It wasn't my fault.
I'm sorry, how is trying to pick up a hooker not your fault?
I was at the store, I was working on my computer, and then,
you know, they have these ads. They pop up on the screen
and they ask if you want to have a hot date.
It gets a fellow worked up.
Can't you just go home and have sex with your wife like a normal person?
She's a 68-year old woman.
That bell stopped ringing for me years ago.
Oh, my God. Stop. Right now.
I'm gonna go pay this thing.
So, uh, am I off the hook now?
What?
This whole father-daughter thing. We're done, right?
Thursday. Coffee at two. Be on time.
Don't take this the wrong way, but are you dim?
OK, I didn't exactly love what I found out about you today,
but the goal was to learn, not to judge.
I bring the coffee.
That crap you made burnt a hole in my stomach.
This is Tunde.
He lost both his parents to this drought.
In fact, water is always scarce in Botswana.
The national currency is called the "pula" or raindrop.
What brings you here?
I'm concerned about the drought in Kenya.
- Botswana. - Yeah.
- And you? - Well, I'm organizing this relief trip.
- We leave in a week. - Well, bon voyage, Father.
I'm not going, myself.
We had to scale back our relief efforts this year.
Had to cut a few aid workers from the trip.
Sister Mary and Sister Greta were so disappointed.
If you just wanna hand some of those back...
Sister Mary was going on the trip?
Sister Mary always goes for at least a few months.
But when our funding came up short, she graciously offered to step aside.
Said there's plenty of God's work to do here.
I'll bet she did.
How much cash are you short, Father?
We plan to set up modern irrigation.
I'm sorry to interrupt, Sister Mary, but I have an announcement.
I have just received a donation of 8,000 dollars!
Which means that Sister Mary and Sister Greta
will be able to join our relief trip to Botswana!
It just goes to show...
...angels are everywhere.
Hi. I'm here to see Lynette Scavo.
Oh, hi! Excuse me. Hi. I'm Lynette.
- You must be Fran? - Yeah, hi.
Ed said you needed to talk to me. I couldn't imagine about what.
Oh, well, come into my office.
You want me to put my daughter in day-care?
But I'm a stay-at-home mom.
I'm not suggesting that you sign her up for all day.
Maybe just a couple of hours in the afternoon.
Wouldn't that be great?
Have some time to yourself. Relax, unwind.
I don't need to unwind. I love taking care of little Mindy.
Oh, of course. Of course.
But we all have days when we're starting to lose it.
Wouldn't it be nice to have someplace to take her
before you want to strangle her?
I cherish every moment I spend with her.
- Truly. - Really.
Yeah. Look, I'm gonna level with you.
Parcher & Murphy can't have a day-care centre
unless we have at least 16 kids,
and without little Mindy, we only have 15.
Well, that's not my problem.
OK. OK.
I just thought I'd give it a shot.
Well, I wish I could help you, but I can't.
OK.
- Lynette. - Yeah?
- Can I ask you something? - Yeah.
Why did you have kids if you weren't going to raise them?
- Excuse me? - Well, I just don't understand women
who say they want to be mothers,
but then hand their kids over to glorified baby-sitters.
I work because my family needs me to.
Oh, dear. I've upset you, and that wasn't my intention.
I bet.
Make no mistake. I'm a good mother.
That's the difference between us.
I couldn't settle for being a good mother.
I want to be a great one.
- Bye-bye. - Bye-bye.
Oh, hi, Alberta, how are you? Were you the one that sent out
those Neighbourhood Watch pamphlets?
I was wondering if maybe you had any extra copies.
Or I'll just borrow one from somebody else. Thanks.
- Yep. Looks like Carol's penmanship. - This is ridiculous!
What does she think, we're having an affair?
Well, she probably saw you drop me off yesterday and she assumed the worst.
- Now you have to tell her the truth. - Oh, no, no, no. I'd catch holy hell.
You want me to catch it for you? I mean, you yourself said she's crazy.
I don't wanna wake up tomorrow and find my tyres slashed.
All right. I'll talk to her.
Hello, Edie! Do you have something you'd like to say?
Nope. That pretty much says it all.
Sister Mary. What a lovely surprise.
I couldn't leave without saying good-bye, Gabrielle.
Aw, that's so sweet. I'm really gonna miss you.
Not as much as you're gonna miss your husband.
- Huh? - Don't freak out.
- I'm going to Botswana. - What?
- Sister Mary needs a companion. - What happened to Sister Greta?
I was gonna go with Sister Greta, but the region is so volatile.
I'd feel much safer with a male companion.
Carlos, you can't do this! You can't just go to Africa!
Honey, I'm only gonna be gone for two months.
This journey is important for me. I wanna be one of God's soldiers.
And you will be one, Carlos.
After you see the devastation there, you're never the same.
You see how selfish your old life is.
You want to get rid of everything that reminds you of it.
Oh, gosh, I should get going and start packing.
We leave in less than a week.
I should send a thank you letter to my parole officer.
He's being a real mensch about this.
I may be a Catholic, but I am so not above slapping a nun.
Go ahead. Do it.
Just make sure you hit hard enough to leave a mark.
Yeah.
I didn't think so.
Kiss the kids good night, and I'll see them in the morning.
OK, yeah. I love you too. Bye-bye.
I'm sorry about the day-care thing,
but Fran hardly ever lets me hold the kid.
Since day one, all I ever got was, "support the head!"
I think I know how to support a damn baby head.
Well, let's just... Let's just do this.
I don't wanna be here all night.
You're Mindy's father.
You have a right to spend time with her.
- I know, but what can I do? - You could stand up to Fran!
If you don't, you'll just become more resentful.
She'll get nuttier.
And without a father figure,
poor Mindy will grow up to be a stripper.
- A stripper? - There's science to back that up.
You know what?
Go ahead and push the button on this day-care thing.
And count Mindy in.
Yeah. I'll handle Fran.
You're doing the right thing, Ed.
For little Mindy.
Yeah!
Dude, what if your mom walks in?
- She won't. - You don't know that.
Let's just wait until everybody's asleep.
Seriously. I'll make it worth your while.
You better.
I wish she would walk in on us.
Just to see the expression on her face.
God, I hate her so much.
Still, though, she's your mother. Don't you sort of have to love her?
Last year, when she found out that I like guys...
...she freaked out. - Hmm.
She said that if I didn't change, I'd be going straight to hell.
So, since I knew that I couldn't change,
it suddenly hit me that one day my own mother was gonna stop loving me.
So I decided to stop loving her first.
That way, it wouldn't hurt so bad.
She didn't know what she was saying.
Yes, she did.
So now she's got to be punished.
How are you gonna punish her?
One day she'll slip up.
And I'll have something against her.
And when that happens,
I'm gonna take her down so hard, she'll never get back up.
It'll take a while to get something on her.
That's OK.
I don't mind waiting for the things that I want.
Ah!
Lynette! Hey. Look who's here!
Hey!
The day-care room won't be ready until next week at the earliest.
If I had waited, I would've lost my nerve. I had a window.
Fran was in the shower, so I just grabbed the baby and ran.
You took the baby without telling Fran?
I refuse to be bullied by that woman.
You were right. Mindy is my daughter.
I want spend time with her. I have that right.
Um, Ed?
The lobby just called, and your wife is on her way up.
- And she seems pretty angry. - Oh, man.
- Here, hold Mindy. - Oh.
- Let me handle this. - Oh, I was planning to.
- I thought Mindy had been kidnapped! - I left a note.
I wasn't looking for a note. I was looking for my missing child!
She's my child too. She's staying.
Just a few hours a day.
- You. Give her to me. - No. I made a decision.
Yeah? OK, watch me make a decision.
I'm done with this marriage.
I'm taking my baby on a plane to Pittsburgh!
- You wouldn't. - Think you miss Mindy now?
- Wait till we're living with my mother! - I'll fight you!
- Try me. - As Lynette saw
her dreams of day-care about to board a plane to Pittsburgh...
- You're crazy! - Crazy to think that you...
... she decided this flight would have to be grounded.
You don't scare me! Oh? Oh.
What the hell is she doing? Open up! Give me my baby!
- Good thinking! - I am not on your side, Ed!
- You're not? - No, I am on Mindy's side.
She is the one caught in the middle.
I'm not letting you two have her until you calm down.
- I want my damn child! - Lynette, I have Tom on line two.
Pat, can you see here I'm holding a baby hostage? I will call back.
That's it. I'm calling the police.
For God's sake! Lynette's not gonna hurt the baby!
No, and you're gonna get her back a whole lot faster
if you will just listen to me. OK? Listen? And you?
All right, good.
So first of all, Ed, stealing the baby was really stupid.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
You need to find a better way to communicate with your wife.
And, Fran, I know what the pressure
of trying to be a super parent does to your head.
You can take a break and be a great mom.
Doesn't this little sweetheart deserve a well-rested mommy?
Well, I guess the pressure does get to me a little.
It's OK to admit that.
This is communication.
This is good.
Why don't you guys go down to the lobby,
talk it out over some coffee.
What about Mindy?
We've got day-care.
Hi.
I called from the Spiritual Outreach programme?
Hi! The piano player, right? This is so generous of you.
There it is. It's not exactly a concert grand.
I should warn you,
on the whole our patients are generally unresponsive,
so I hope you don't expect clapping.
Miss Delany, I find, when the spiritual rewards are this great,
who needs applause?
Excuse me.
Did Addison talk to you about me?
- Oh! I guess not. - He's a married man!
What's wrong with you?
- Wait! It's not what you think. - He hasn't touched me for 3 years,
and it's because of... of sluts... sluts like you!
Carol, if you'd just stop throwing things at me, I will explain.
How can you explain? You're screwing my husband!
No, I'm not screwing him! He's my father!
I'm so sorry.
I thought you should know, but he didn't want to tell you.
I wanna die.
- Oh, no. - I do.
Carol, you don't have to clean that up. They have clerks for that.
- How old are you? - Ah, 38.
We've been married 39 years.
It's been going on from the start.
Believe me. I didn't want to hurt anyone.
I just wanted to find my dad.
I'm glad you did.
But you be careful, sweetheart.
He's gonna break your heart.
Andrew, I made an appointment with a therapist for you, me, and Danielle.
I don't think so.
This pain that you're feeling is completely natural,
but it's not gonna go away until you deal with it.
Andrew, I want us to heal.
I want us to be a family again.
You know what I want?
I want for George Williams to walk through that door
so I could take a knife and plunge it into his heart.
I want the pharmacist to pay for what he did to my father.
Well, the good news is he's dead.
He committed suicide.
His death was on his terms.
That's not justice.
So, are you saying if he were executed
that it would be easier for you to get past this?
Of course.
George...
...didn't intend to commit suicide.
He was trying to manipulate me into taking him back,
and he swallowed those pills hoping that I'd feel sorry for him.
He just assumed that I would call an ambulance.
When I got there he was already slipping away.
I tried to get to him to accept responsibility for what he'd done.
But he wouldn't.
So what did you do?
Nothing.
I just sat there and let him die.
Oh, my God.
He didn't die on his terms, Andrew.
He paid for what he did to your father.
Thank you for telling me this.
Hey, how ya doing?
- Yeah? - Zach's come home.
- What? Wha... Is he OK? - He's fine.
- Is there anything I can do? - Thanks for asking.
You can leave us alone.
I've spent a lot of time looking for Zach, and you know why.
I'm not making myself clear.
Come near my son, I'll go to the police.
I'll tell 'em what happened out in that quarry.
You do that and we'll both go down.
Well, you know I'm capable of almost anything.
Hey, I thought you'd like to know. Zach and I are moving away.
I want to give my son a shot at a normal life.
I'm sure you'll agree it's for the best.
See, this is where you and I don't see eye to eye.
For Zach's sake, I'll keep quiet, for now.
But you're not taking him away.
I see a "For Sale" sign in front of that house? I'll call the police.
I'm capable of pretty much anything myself.
The doctor's going to give you a full workup.
Then we'll start inoculations.
Fill out everything and the nurse will take you back.
Thank you.
Boy, Sister Mary's done a number on you.
- Right. - Yes, right!
She has you flying across the world to help the poor.
There's perfectly good poor right here.
For God's sakes, give a buck to a homeless guy!
It's not the same.
It's better, because you can do it in the comfort of your own car.
The point is not to be comfortable.
It's about easing pain and suffering.
Look, I'm trying to be a better person, here.
You can either help me or you can get out of the way,
but you can't stop me.
Carlos Solis? Come with me, please.
Finish that for me.
Here.
He didn't fill out the allergy section.
Honey, he's going to a remote village in Africa.
Does it really matter that he's allergic to eggs?
Yes. Eggs are on the list.
He could have a severe reaction to the yellow fever vaccine.
He won't be getting out of bed, let alone leaving the country.
Really?
Oh, don't write that down.
I wasn't being specific. He's allergic to fish eggs.
Fish eggs?
Poor baby's gone his whole life without caviar.
Now that's suffering.
All right, doc, gimme all you got.
- It's so hot in this village. - Baby, that's the fever talking.
The doctor said you're having an allergic reaction,
but you're gonna be fine, OK?
Hold me.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Uh, maybe that stupid nun is right.
Maybe I am trying to stop you from becoming a better person.
It's just that I love you the way you are.
Greedy, selfish, and insensitive.
I'm just scared if you're not those things anymore
you're gonna wake up one day and realise I still am.
And then you won't want me.
I want you, just hold me.
Oh, Carlos.
Hold me...
... Sister Mary.
Painting in the rain?
Is that smart?
Let me see... Painting in the rain, or letting the world think I'm a whore.
I don't know, what do you think?
- I heard you ran into my wife. - Yep.
So?
So, you are hereby released of any further obligation to be my dad.
OK.
Just so you know, I'm not actually proud of what I've done.
- You know, my "hobbies." - Good for you.
- Yeah. - Bye.
I have done things I'm proud of.
I can give you five examples right now.
OK, maybe three.
You don't have to do this.
I was a volunteer fireman. I, uh, put out fires.
I got kittens out of trees. The whole nine yards.
That's sweet.
About 20 years ago I started a foundation to protect wild horses.
I probably saved hundreds of them.
Really?
I'm full of surprises.
OK. One more.
I wasn't exactly thrilled when you walked back into my life.
Now that I've met you...
Well, you gave me a third thing to be proud of.
That was a good one.
That's why I saved it for last.
I have to spend some time working on my marriage.
When that's all sorted out,
maybe we could continue with the catching up.
I'll wait for your call.
The stories are as old as time itself.
The prodigal son who returns home to the father who forgives him.
The jealous wife who tricks the husband who trusts her.
The desperate mother who risks everything for the child who needs her.
And the faithless husband who hurts the wife who loves him so deeply.
Why do we listen again and again?
Because these are the stories of family.
And once we look past the fighting, pain, and the resentment...
... we occasionally like to remind ourselves...
Hi!
... there is absolutely nothing more important.
Hi, bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny...
Hi, bunny, bunny.